2014.07.07

Latest news from Michiyoshi *Originally posted in Japanese on 7th July, 2014

I’ve been hospitalized several times before, but in my life I’ve never had such long, painful and multilayered problems, that undermine my whole body and spirit. In any case, my so-called “treatment” is going to be completed in a few days. In the basement floor of the hospital, each patient is bound by a net over their face so that he or she doesn’t move their upper body. Five days per week, a few minutes per day, radioactive rays are emitted to a predetermined part. Saturday and Sunday there is no treatment so the body can recover without submitting to radiation, and to wait for the extinction of cancer cells incapable of reproducing themselves. As if cancer cells care to match up with human beings’ activity cycle... During this radiation therapy, coughing is strictly prohibited! In my case, smothering my cough was very difficult, each time.
The radiation burns the inside of my mouth, which inevitably causes sores. Dentists of the hospital take good care of me though. The dentists, mostly women, I don’t know why, wear a light pink and light blue thin cover over their scrubs. With the most delicate touch, they treat the inside of my mouth so gently. How good would it be if normal city dentists could copy this technique? Well, of course, here almost all the patients are in serious condition, and they can hardly open their mouths because of the pain.
Since long before, I’ve wondered strongly why dentists don’t work next to otolaryngologists. Besides, at the dentist, many treatments are not covered by national health insurance. Also, I think it’s criminal that silver fillings are evidently toxic for the body, but are covered by health insurance but strangely expensive healthy ceramic one is not.
Probably I’m actually in the most miserable period. I've lost weight, and my neck is all skin and bone like a turtle. I don’t want to see anyone.
How will I return to my former self? What kind of life do I want to rebuild? I should consider these questions, to see how I will interpret this trial given by God (?).
People may tend to me kindly. However, I know that art itself is not as superficial as this. Among encouraging words to me, people said “This may be a short break in your life” and “Please relax and take your time”, but so far at least, reality has not been like this. I have been in too much agony to think about anything else besides my body, the pain and the treatment. Also, why has this happened to me? Well, there are people who are in more serious condition than me. Still, I am wondering why…
Originally posted in Japanese on 7th July, 2014